Recently, I have become super intrigued by practices that increase the mind and body’s overall balance and well-being. I’m talking yoga, meditation, mindfulness, crystal healing, ayurveda, cosmic energies, etc… It is a journey that has opened my eyes, mind, and heart to a deeper understanding of myself and the world around me.
This is how I got here…
I am currently 31 weeks pregnant with a 1 year old and some days I feel myself on the verge of a serious mental breakdown. Some days I have had breakdowns. But these were not normal breakdowns to me. They were a scary period of lows so low I could see no way out…except maybe a glass a wine, which was out of the question since I’m pregnant. This was more then just having an “off day” or feeling blue. This was concerning, to both myself and my fiance. I didn’t want to interact with my son, I couldn’t stand being alone in the house all day, and I absolutely resented cleaning and taking everyone else. To anyone unfamiliar with these feelings they are very reminiscent of depression, especially post-partum depression in my case. It can hit any time within a year and I’d like to chalk it up to hormones on this one. But whatever the cause, I knew what it was and I knew it didn’t want to take medication. For me, medication for such broad, deep issues its like band aid on a gaping wound that I would come to rely on. So, I started searching for alternatives and the universe spoke to me!! I stumbled across a 30 day Instagram yoga challenge and I knew it was what I needed.
Long story short, a month later I had done MOST of the poses each day…some were all but impossible with a growing belly or too advanced for me to try…but overall I had learned so much about the importance of listening to your body. We spend our whole lives being taught to be good listeners…to others! When you learn to listen to your body it opens up this incredible world of insight that is literally locked up inside of you. To listen to your physical and mental needs on a daily basis is a way of life and it takes time to learn just like anything else. Since the challenge, I have discovered this entire community that is full of honest, caring, and truly inspiring individuals that I wish were the kind of people we saw on TV and social media everyday! I truly believe we can all benefit from their guidance.
Dark Moon Ceremony
OK, so it may sound like “hippy shit”, which is what my fiance originally called it lol. And if you associate hippies with natural healing and yoga then, yea, it guess it is hippy shit! But its good hippy shit! Anyways…I have recently been discovering the energies that surround and penetrate us and how they affect our mood, our bodily systems, and our mental well-being. Tonight is a new moon, particularly a dark moon (AND a super moon at that). The dark moon is a time to release unwanted energies, feelings, habits, etc., to further assist in developing a healthy and positive mental state. So I am going to participate in my first Dark Moon Ceremony. By doing so I am going to let go of 3 things that I believe I need to release to make room for more positive energies by bringing in fire to ignite those manifestations into being. I will write down each idea and then burn it, pouring all my thoughts into releasing the negative energy from within myself to make room for rejuvenated ideas.
- Negativity in motherhood – I (and I think a lot of moms) have a tendency to put myself last, especially in my ability to parent. To the point that I can actually speak the words “why am I a mother?” over and over to myself during the day. Yes, my child is happy and healthy and that is all that matters, right? Well yes, it is, but to a mom with depression or anxiety its so much more. There’s no verbal reassurance over your shoulder every second of the day so it is easy for me to fall into the trap of negativity…literally doubting every move I make even when my son is laughing with a full belly and a clean diaper! Its nonsense. I will be burning any negative thoughts I have regarding my ability and success as a mother because there may not be a “right” way to do it, but there is my way, and I want to have confidence in that!
- Fear of a two child household – So I know many parents have more then two children but for some reason lately it seems every time my son gets upset the only thing that occupies my mind is “how am I going to do this with two?”. Double cries, double diapers, double attention…the list goes on! This also draws off of negativity in motherhood, but for me this a very specific fear that leads to anxiety that can be very overwhelming. I think these two hand in hand will release well together and make room for so much positive improvement!
- Ill-tempered when stressed – This one probably will not be a quick fix, I will have to work on it a couple months because my temper has grown as a result of my fear-based anxieties and worries that cause stress. Basically I just do not want to be quick to anger. I always regret it which makes me feel worse and its a vicious cycle with anger being the cherry on top (and I don’t even like cherries frankly). So, I want to be aware of my triggers and my raw emotions, but instead of acting upon them, channel them into a deeper understanding and be able to better rationalize my responses.
Through all of this I hope to release these negative energies and replace them with firm affirmations to be confident in motherhood, embrace the love and cherished moments of multiple children, and become more mindful of my reactions and words and their affect on others and myself. Also, this is something I want to practice every new moon. Ah! Wish me luck!
Happy new moon in Gemini everyone!