Sometimes I’m so tired. Sleep occupies my every thought. It threatens to stop me from performing any task I have set ahead, no matter how simple or complex. It beckons me to it; to ignore the laundry, the dishes, and the dirty diapers.
But then I look at you…
When I hear you first thing in the morning. I lay their wondering if anyone has invented a snooze button for children yet. Then I see you smile up at me so big when I enter the room it makes my heart so full.
When coffee and a relaxing breakfast is all I want until I’m fully awake, but I know you’re excited to start the day. I’d rather show you that joy in return (while fighting the urge to be a zombie) as I play with the same trucks and stuffed animals every morning.
When you’re having a bad day and we all want to just cry. I see the end of my rope fast approaching, but you hug me so tight I forget what I was upset about. We snuggle and watch any Disney movie we want, or make chocolate chip cookies to pass the time.
When you both want attention but I’m only one person. I give half my attention to one, feeling guilty for neglecting the other. Then, a moment happens where you give each other attention. I’m so excited I keep the moment going and revel in how precious you will be to each other one day.
When you are asleep beside me. I know if I move I may wake you, but I’m so uncomfortable I’m starting to ache…just one more minute enjoying the stillness. Just one more kiss on the forehead before you wake up as the Tasmanian devil.
When all I can think about is my husband coming home so he can offer some relief. Then he finally arrives and I get a “break”, leaving my arms feeling empty and body feeling useless without squirmy little legs wrapped around it. I end up giving my “me time” back to you as we laugh and play with the whole family.
When it’s so close to bedtime but you’re not ready yet...and starting to get goofy…I fight the urge to close my eyes for fear I will miss you discovering something new that you’re now excited to show me.
When I finally get the babies down to sleep. I thought that I would pass out as soon as I hit the pillow, but my mind races. I think about all the time that has already passed and how much more time there is to come. Sometimes, I cry thinking about you growing up…sleep can wait.
When it’s 2am and you are done feeding. I know I should immediately put you down before I loose any chance of returning to sleep, but you are so peaceful in my arms that I just stare. I would rather loose some slumber then stop looking at your face.
A good friend once told me, “don’t wish away these years.” These times that are irreplaceable. I have to remind myself often not to get caught up in what I don’t have (like sleep) and cherish what I do. I only wish for a lifetime supply of free coffee.
My own sleep remedy:
- Turn off the electronics.
- Listen to a sleep mediation.
- Drink a glass of chamomile tea.
- Say prayers.